So I may or may not be typing this in the midst of a sea of candy wrappers and what’s left of my kid’s Easter candy (there’s not much anymore). I know I shouldn’t confess that but in the spirit of full disclosure I feel the need to tell anyone who is considering undertaking a 30 Day Paleo Challenge – DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I HAVE MADE!!!
See, I’ve been on a farewell tour for the past week, making the rounds making sure to make formal goodbyes. Earlier this week I bid adieu to my dear friends Ben & Jerry one glorious spoonful of Phish Food at a time. This afternoon I went to Starbucks for one last venti half caf Caramel Macchiato with half the pumps (because you gotta cut somewhere, right?!?) There may have been a chocolate chip cookie involved. The last few days have been a frenzy of last chances and last meals.
It’s been down right ridiculous.
As I hauled my sugar laden behind back into the office for the afternoon shift I slumped down in the chairs out back and complained about my full belly. I may have uttered the words, “I can’t wait for the Paleo Challenge to start”
Sharyn, as usual, had zero sympathy. As much as it pains me to admit, she was right. I deserve no sympathy. But I know for a fact I am not alone in this. (Not that I’m throwing anyone else under the bus <cough, cough, Dr. Jen, cough, cough>) In fact I was so convinced that I’m not alone in this that I googled it. Because as we all know, googling something totally validates it.
Last Meal Syndrome – About 2,680,000 results
It’s all over message boards, there are countless blog posts. There’s psychological analysis on what makes us do it. (Hint: the fear of deprivation) But even though I’ve done it before and I’m currently doing it right now it doesn’t make sense. Because I know in my heart that this Paleo Challenge is not about deprivation.
I have never felt the need to chug shots of bleach because I knew that I’d never be able to drink it again. Why is the poisonous crap that I’ve been consuming on my farewell tour any different?
The research is everywhere – Harvard reported that sugar increases your risk of dying from heart disease. The New York Daily News just reported that sugar is EIGHT TIMES AS ADDICTIVE as cocaine.
But there I was, slumped in a chair bemoaning my choices. Maybe I was subconsciously trying to make myself feel so incredibly terrible that I would only want to put healthy food in my body from this point forward. (Side note – I may have succeeded) Maybe I was afraid of not having those foods anymore. But as I’ve been scouring the internet for resources to help me through the next 30 days I came across this and I really want to share. It’s from the Whole30 Program which is very similar to Paleo (if not a bit stricter). It’s the section called ‘It’s For Your Own Good” and I’m going to print it out and hang it on my fridge. I advise you all to do the same and while you’re at it – go visit their website Whole30 or their parent site Whole9. But while you’re waiting read this. (Maybe out loud to me when you come in so I don’t forget!!)
Here comes the tough love. This is for those of you who are considering taking on this life-changing month, but aren’t sure you can actually pull it off, cheat free, for a full 30 days. This is for the people who have tried this before, but who “slipped” or “fell off the wagon” or “just HAD to eat (fill in food here) because of this (fill in event here).” This is for you.
It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Birthing a baby is hard. Losing a parent is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard. You’ve done harder things than this, and you have no excuse not to complete the program as written. It’s only thirty days, and it’s for the most important health cause on earth – the only physical body you will ever have in this lifetime.
Don’t even consider the possibility of a “slip.” Unless you physically tripped and your face landed in a box of doughnuts, there is no “slip.” You make a choice to eat something unhealthy. It is always a choice, so do not phrase it as if you had an accident. Commit to the program 100% for the full 30 days. Don’t give yourself an excuse to fail before you’ve even started.
You never, ever, ever have to eat anything you don’t want to eat. You’re all big boys and girls. Toughen up. Learn to say no (or make your mom proud and say, “No, thank you”). Learn to stick up for yourself. Just because it’s your sister’s birthday, or your best friend’s wedding, or your company picnic does not mean you have to eat anything. It’s always a choice, and we would hope that you stopped succumbing to peer pressure in 7th grade.
This does require a bit of effort. Grocery shopping, meal planning, dining out, explaining the program to friends and family, and dealing with stress will all prove challenging at some point during your program. We’ve given you all the tools, guidelines and resources you’ll need, but take responsibility for your own plan. Improved health, fitness, and quality of life doesn’t happen automatically just because you’re now taking a pass on bread.
You can do this. You’ve come too far to back out now. You want to do this. You need to do this. And we believe that you can do this.
By the way, I may have come very close to spitting my venti half caf blah blah blah out of my nose when I read the line about tripping and falling into a box of doughnuts. But you know what? Very much like the wise sage Sharyn, they’re right. These are my choices that I have made to put this toxic garbage into my mouth. Nobody forced me. Although I may have tried to peer pressure Dr. Jen into a chocolate chip cookie today. But tomorrow, along with so many of our awesome practice members, I am making a new choice. A choice to be healthy.
So no more last meals, no more farewell tours. We’ve got this.
Yours in Health (for real this time)
Kathleen